Loved for Who You Are
The ability to laugh and say what you’d like with your own personal style to the one beside you without need of explaining why you said what you said or how you said it happens on rare occasions. The simple trust within a friendship accepting one as one is...is truly a treasure.
Finding a friend who knows you from the inside out and who frankly likes you, tis truly a gift. Someone who enjoys your company, and who gives you the freedom to cry, laugh, and dream about life without having to watch what you say for fear they might not really like you after all is nothing to worry about at all. Nope, there will be no Judas to betray and slay when one finds the gift of true friendship.
We’ve all had it done to us...the betrayal. And truth is, we’ve all betrayed. And because of doing this or having it done to us, on guard we become...holding back just enough to protect our heart.
It happened to me back in the day, and I thought I was okay...but I’m not. Rejection and fear have been bubbling to the surface as of late, and now that it has, I’m taking time to listen to the internal heartbeat of what is driving that.
I’d like to believe it is others who have hurt when growing pains cause pain while growing up. The groups that form within friendship circles can be tremendously hurtful and as much as I’d like to say it is others who do the nasty business reacting from their own hidden pain, I no longer think “they” are to blame.
As I pause and listen to the earthquake within, the ground breaking opens wide. Could the snippets of mean girls back in the day cause this much lack of trusting others as an adult? I suppose the answer is both Yes and No. Behaviors of mean girls who’ve supposedly long grown up triggers pain, and I double check, smooth over, make the phone call to make sure they know my intentions are not what I’ve heard.
Restoration is good. Good for the soul it is to double check to make sure there was no offense taken. When bleeding within needs a sponge, then perhaps a deeper cleansing is in store in order to restore.
Ahhh...cleansed from what? What is it that needs to be cleansed? The child within who longs to be unhurt? The child within that needs reassurance that she is, after all loved?
As I pause, and as I listen deep...ever so gently the wound begins to calm when I realize it is not “they” at all, but it is me. I have not forgiven a cruelty done. It is I who have expected something from man that no man can give. Infection spreads when I have been about the business of friendship rather than my Father’s business.
Yup...He has clipped every friendship when we have not been about His business.
Whether it’s my children, my relatives, or a hopeful friendship that appears to deeply satisfy and gratify or validate who I am...that I am accepted and loved by another...it is on sinking sand. It’s always fun...until it’s not.
And that is when I must pause...and be still and know that He alone is God. He will have no false gods before Him (Exodus 20). In the stillness He reminds me. And for this, I am grateful. Amen.